A Wheel Of Cheese And An Oncologist Walk Into A Bar….

All my oncology doctors secretly yearn to be comedians.  This is because there is no comedy or fun in their jobs, seriously. If it is bad news, it is tears and fears.  If good, tears of gratitude.  I still, every single time I go see my oncology surgeon for that six month post-surgery checkup, fight back the tears. His admin, aka, Super Girl, moved around something like 20 surgeries to get me back in and under the knife in just two days’ time when it was discovered that the cancer had spread to my lymph nodes.  I tell her earnestly to her face that she is one of the main reasons I’m still here, loving my grand-daughter and my life.  She is so modest, she just brushes it aside and smiles.

I brought her a stunning orchid plant yesterday.  I try and bring something, just a small token really, every single time I go there.  I never, EVER forget what these people did for me.  How gentle my surgeon is, how he spoke so bravely and directly to my boyfriend and my family when I was still coming around post surgeries.  How strong and in control he was and how that all made me feel like it was going to be ok.  He made everything ok.

I will never forget this.

And it is because of these incredible people that I try and bring a little laughter and sunshine into their lives when I blow into their office for the approximately 37 minutes I am there every six months.  I am funny, ha, ha, ha.  I was therefore delighted when my surgeon playfully asked me if I’d had the Lap Band or some sort of gastric weight loss work done without his knowledge.  What a card. 

But you gotta love a doctor who notices and then generously praises weight loss accomplishments.  Sorry doc, no gimmicks − this one was pure discipline and dedication and finally coming to grips with just how many bazillions of calories that a teeny, tiny bite of cheese is.

We then discussed cheese, my doctor and I.  Turns out we both passionately love cheese and dairy. Love, love, love it.  He therefore understands and is understandably in awe of my incredible sacrifice.  I knew I had a connection to this man that went deeper than just helping cure me of cancer but who knew it would be so profound?  Cheese is the glue that connects people.  Cheese is like dark matter or wormholes, mysterious and absolutely the thing that holds our world together only we don’t really understand it very well.

That’s cheese for you. 

So, I love cheese but not nearly as much as I love the idea of fitting back into my skinny jeans.

Sometimes, the love of your life just isn’t good for you.  That’s how I view cheese, like a bad boy boyfriend who drinks too much, cheats and isn’t very reliable.  You love him madly but he’s no good for you.

Oh my gosh, I think cheese and I just broke up.