I’ve gotten a couple of funny emails from readers noting that my stories about my dog Sophia were hilarious.This would not be of concern save that the readers all thought that my stories were fiction.That I’d made up either the dog or the story or both.
Sometimes I wish this were the case.
However, I regret to inform my readership and the world that Sophia Eleanora is quite real, thank you very much.As are her considerable antics.Case in point, I was off work last Friday, Good Friday.My company, for some inexplicable reason, always has this holiday off.It was also the first time in years that I had not been traveling and was not out of town on Good Friday so I made the most of my day off.I made appointments for both Sophia and I.Me, to see my ophthalmologist and Sophie to see the vet.I also had plans to do a bit of shopping, start the defrosting of the garage freezer project (turns out that one took the entire weekend but I digress) and generally speaking, to enjoy myself.
Oh, innocent me.
Turns out Sophie had other ideas, bad doggy ideas.
I would like to interject at this point that her father, a.k.a., Boyfriend Bob, has ruined that dog.He comes to visit for one week and totally messes up everything.Case in point, Sophie now thinks that every time I leave the house, unless she is under the covers and busy napping, that she needs to go along.This is not practical but I am sure it is also Bob’s doing and fault.I had to squeeze out the front door, pushing Sophie back in as I backed out, a first.I promised to return home as quickly as the eye doctor would allow.
Unfortunately, I did not return home quickly enough.As I sauntered in the door and was chatting up the dog (something we live-alones are wont to do), I started up the stairs and gasped in horror.The dog had actually jumped up on a counter and taken my prescriptions out and chewed up at least one bottle.Vitamin D pills lay strewn all over the stairs.I speed-dialed the vet and started counting the strewn pills.I was fully aware that the vet would want to know how units of the Vitamin D mega-doses my beloved dog had ingested.I informed the dog she was likely going to get her puppy stomach pumped.As I frantically counted, I told Sophia that if the pills didn’t kill her this day, I just might. When I got to 22, I recounted, twice, and then, heaving a sigh of relief, I hung up the phone.I had 24 to start with and had already taken 2.That meant I should have had 22 and I did.As I sat on the stairs, 22 deep green pills in one hand and the chewed up ‘childproof bottle’ in the other, I contemplated Sophie’s near-demise.
What was that dog thinking?
I’d never had a dog, and I’ve had many pet dogs, do anything this remotely dangerous or destructive before.Sure, had I left, say, a defrosting steak on the counter, I would have taken the hit (and the mess) in my stride.But prescriptions?The other bottle, slightly chewed but still unopened, contained my new refill of tamoxafin.I sat on the stairs for a really long time, Sophie sat with me, tail wagging, clearly insanely pleased with herself. Finally, I put the scripts in my purse, placed the purse on top of my six foot tall armoire (a place only the cat can reach) and then I laid down.I felt a headache coming on.
After Sophie’s appointment; the vet pronounced her healthy and finally on the mend from a stubborn bout of mange, I called Bob. I needed to report, in lurid detail, the entire incident.
“And the vet said that it was not her liver that would have been harmed but she could have lost all kidney function!” I reported, breathless and oozing puppy drama from the near-escape.
There was a pregnant silence before the boyfriend informed me that the entire incident, of course, was entirely my fault.
Really.And how is that.
The boyfriend, with his Captain Fireman Bob hat on, informed me that I had not secured my medications properly hence, the fault was mine.
I told him I could not talk to him right now and politely hung up.
“I hope you are satisfied,” I informed a clueless Sophie and she stuck her nose out the moving car window. “Now daddy is in the dog house too.”